I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
