Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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