Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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