just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
