So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
