im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
