my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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