Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
