Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
