when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
