I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
