And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
