the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
