and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
