turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
