69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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