I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize