Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
