finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
