speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you win again, gameday.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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