note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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