Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
