So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
