there's paper in my vomit.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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