I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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