I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
