She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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