mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
