I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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