rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
