Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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