as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
