Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
