well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
