I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
