Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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