sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
