She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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