Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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