Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You can't special order awesome
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
