At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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