a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
