mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
