i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
where are my eyebrows?
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