Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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