i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
