where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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