Plan B is the new Plan A
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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