In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
