do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
