ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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