i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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