Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
