I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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