i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
