I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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