How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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