he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
