I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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