just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
