i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
