There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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