it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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