yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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