You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
