feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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