i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
