this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
