Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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