Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
