not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
