a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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