I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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