Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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