just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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