Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
